Interview: #12 – 50 Ways to Kill Me (Interviewed by Gary).

What is the name of your band?
50 Ways To Kill Me.

Where are you from?
Montauk, New York.

When did the band form?
1999.

How did the band come together?
Bored one day.

Where did the name 50 Ways To Kill Me come from?
Each album has 50 songs. Each song is a way to kill myself.

What music have you released so far and on what formats?
4 full length albums, and I’m working on a new one: Self Titled, 50 More Ways To Die For Satan, Legalize Suicide, and Fun Funeral. The new one will be called Gnarly Deth Wish. I also have tons of EPs and splits with other bands and have had releases on CD-R, mini CD-R, CD, double CD, Vinyl, Cassette, Floppy Disk, and Downloadable Net Releases.

You have release an insane amount of material! How many songs do you think you have written and recorded
I write anywhere between 1 and 5 songs everyday of my life, but only about 1% of what I write gets recorded. So in other words, out of the hundreds of millions of songs I’ve written in my life, only about a thousand or two have been documented and recorded. Also, I shouldn’t be calling every song I write a new one because I reuse riffs over and over and over again, but most of the time it’ll have a slight variation to it. A one note difference, or one little segment reversed, or whatever. It’s obsessive compulsive disorder I guess, because I don’t let any riff go to waste and I record every variety of every riff eventually. When I create a brand new unused riff, it’ll probably be a few years before I am satisfied with the full usage of that riff. It must be done at least 3 different tempos, 3 different instruments, and endless varieties of it and alternate versions, or maybe exactly identical but with different lyrics over it next time around, or the same riff but in a different key. Many of my riffs are making fun of previous riffs, sort of mocking old ones. These thoughts make me lose endless sleep, thoughts of wondering whether or not I used every combo.

Don’t you also have a number of other side projects and other bands that you play with?
I play drums in a band called Bleach Eater which is a sonic assault on the ear-drums. We play blackened grind music crushing one poser at a time. I also play drums in a funny, cute little band around here called Obnoxious Gas, and I also play the guitar in a band called Lÿnch Pigs. I have a lot of other bands too but my main band is 50 Ways To Kill Me.

What programs and equipment do you use for recording?
I have several guitars, a bass, two drum sets, an organ, a piano and several keyboards. For most 50 Ways releases, what happens 99% of the fucking time is I’ll write the music on the piano or a keyboard, write down some sheet music, and then get upset over not being able to afford studio time. So instead of getting the material recorded, I’ll just program the notes into Fruity Loops, and then I sing over it with whatever resources I have depending on where I’m living and what’s around me. I’ve done releases with a shitty 5 dollar microphone and Windows Sound Recorder, like the first album. For Other releases I’ve used Cool Edit Pro. The third album Legalize Suicide is Fruity Loops instrumentals and the vocals were recorded on a 4-track. The fourth album Fun Funeral was the same thing but through an additional mixing board and recorded with Sonar Cakewalk. That’s the only album I recorded 100% by myself with zero help from others. My newest one coming out has all real instruments on it as opposed to being programmed in Fruity Loops, because I finally had money for studio time so I finally got the play the material on instruments instead of just programming the notes on software. We used pro-tools. Even though it’s real instruments this time, I still successfully maintain the signature 50 Ways sound, and you’ll hear that for yourself when it comes out if you don’t believe me. My style of riffs is so distinct that it doesn’t matter if I programmed the music or played it on a fucking keyboard and a guitar, it’s still 50 Ways, you’ll see.

Which do you prefer and why: Cassette, Vinyl, CD, or MP3?
My most favorite is cassette and vinyl. My least favorite is CD, CD-R, and mp3.

Would 50 Ways ever consider putting out an 8-track?
Hell yes! I live for putting out shit like that! I have ideas for formats a lot more obscure than an 8-track! I’d tell you but I don’t want other bands stealing my idea. But anyway, yeah, If a label comes to me with an offer of an 8-track I’m going to have an orgasm in my sweatpants!

Have you played many shows (tour, shows with larger bands)?
A couple major tours and after my new album Gnarly Deth Wish drops, I’ll be up and down the East coast a lot. I’ll be the largest band of them all if I keep gaining weight.

I know we had a few shows together fall through, but we did play together back in 2006 and it was awesome! What kind of a reaction do you usually get from one of your live sets?
Well I believe that any band or artist who’s highly different from the rest of the herd, and stands out like a sore thumb, is always going to get the same reaction, which is where a percentage of the crowd fucking loves it and the other percent fucking hates it. To me, this is a good thing because even though I’ll have less fans, those fans will be more die-hard. The more “normal” a band is, the more fans it’ll have, but they’ll all say the band is “pretty good” or “okay” but will never be like “that was the nuttiest shit I’ve ever seen” and then go telling everyone they know. I need to give them a show they’re going to remember till the day they rot.

Are you always naked?
Depends on my mood the day of the show. I have played shows fully clothed, but most of the time I want to get fucking naked. Being naked is what I fucking want to do. Unfortunately I get a lot of ridicule for it, I get a lot of criticism for it, and unfortunately a lot of ignorant assholes call me a GG Allin rip-off for it. Wow! Are people that dumb? Two artists who sound totally 100% different from each other, not even remotely close the slightest drop, are clones just because we both have cocks out? I beg to differ. I mean, I like GG and all, but he’s not the first guy to have invented taking off clothing in a performance, plus the guy claimed to have hated his fans. I love every fan so dearly and unlike other bands, I try to keep in contact with as many fans as possible. I love them and would never hurt my fans! Look, to answer your question, just know this… since I was a young child my parents always had a hard time trying to get me to wear clothes, I just hate clothes, and since performing could be considered art, I take full advantage and do things the fucking way that I want to do them! If someone wants to compare me to other nude performers like GG, Costes, or the endless others despite the fact that my message and my music is totally different, then fuck them. I’m going to keep playing live regardless and if that live performance involves my dick, too bad. If someone doesn’t like it, they don’t have to go to the show!

Do you usually get shows just for 50 Ways to Kill Me? Or you do often do a 50 Ways set along with playing in other bands?
Well, basically it’s like this… I used to play drums in a New York hardcore band called Eyes Of Hate, and the deal that I had worked out with them is that I’ll be in their band, do all the tours, shows, and recordings and what not, just as long as 50 Ways could be added to the bill to most of the shows. And the singer of that band, Al, kept his word, and always made sure 50 Ways got to play. He was a great guy and the guy even had a 50 Ways tattoo, but you know what happened, he actually committed suicide! So ever since then, I’m trying to find a new band that I can either drums or play guitar for, or even be a fucking roadie, drum-tech, or whatever for, just as long as I can take 50 Ways on the road with them! I’ll eat anything, I’m easy going, I don’t bitch, and I’m a nice guy. If you’re in a band and reading this interview, please take me on tour with you. I have a driver’s license and I don’t drive like a fucking woman. I’m your guy. Let’s do this. So yeah, anyway, I drum in Obnoxious Gas and there’ve been times where 50 Ways also played, but lately I’m really trying to find a touring band I can tag along with, so we’ll see. Hopefully I find a band who needs me, because I need THEM!

What are your favorite bands?
Lately I’ve been listening to The Kinks, The Romantics, Beach Boys, Del-Vikings, The Mentors, 13th Floor Elevators, Nihilist Spasm Band, Crass, Crucifucks, Dead Milkmen, Meat Shits, Boston, George Thorogood & the Destroyers, Cripple Bastards, and a lot of local Hardcore music like Antidote, Urban Waste, Crumbsuckers, etc..

What are your biggest influences?
Beelzebub, Sex, Suicide, Food, Murder, Gore, Itchy and Scratchy.

Why was there never a full Itchy and Scratchy Spin Off?
Funny you ask… I don’t know if it’s true or not, but I have actually heard that Matt Groening was indeed going to put out an Itchy and Scratchy DVD. But, for whatever bullshit reason, The Fox network never allowed it to happen.

Have you ever watched the Happy Tree Friends?
Can’t say I have. As far as television goes, my favorite shows are The Simpsons, Judge Judy, The Steve Wilkos Show, Forensic Files, and Bait Car. I’d also like to say that Family Guy is the worst show on television! It’s so unfunny and annoying! I rather watch the fucking Black Entertainment Channel than that unfunny Homer Simpson rip-off Peter Griffin. Most shit on TV sucks these days and I like a lot of shows from back in the day. When I was a young child I used to watch a show called ‘You Can’t Do That On Television’ on Nickelodeon. It was rather mind-expanding.

What do you find offensive or obscene?
Barack Hussein, Cops, Pro-Lifers, Junkies, Emo Faggots

Would you say that you or your music are political?
My politics are… the most important thing is to protect Gaia, and the only way in doing so is by killing off the parasites we call humanity. In other words, I believe the human population of the Earth should be Zero. I think my music sort of reflects this political belief in a comedic way, but generally I keep the songs non-political. I sort of stay away from politics these days. When I was a young punk I cared more about issues, but now I don’t want to know what’s happening in the world because it’s too depressing. I know the Illuminati has a plan to create a One World Government, and have us all micro-chipped, but I don’t waste my time worrying about a New World Order. As long as I can live my life and do my favorite things ever like taking a shit while eating a slice of pizza and drinking a Bud Light, I don’t care what the president is doing. I know that dirty idiot Barrack Hussein Osama is up to no good, but I just want to take my shit and drink my Bud Light in peace and not think about world problems. Oh yeah, I’m also a big supporter of firearms. Bang Bang!

What is your favorite porno?
For Pyros

Who is your favorite porn actor/actress?
Camilla Decastro, a transsexual who committed suicide.

Have you ever been in or made x-rated photos or movies?
Yes actually! Lemme know if you ever spot me! I’ll be butt-naked except for socks and Nike sneakers.

Who is your favorite comic book or cartoon character?
Chester the Molester.

Is that a comic book?
It was a comic series in the infamous porno mag called Hustler. When I was 12 I used to look under my pop’s bed and find a couple Hustlers, and my friends and I, we’d all sit in my tree house reading Chester the Molester and all get a real chuckle. I haven’t picked up a Hustler since I was very young so it’s quite possible that they discontinued the Chester segment. It was so offensive though, I loved it.

What do your parents think of your band?
They fucking hate it and everything about it. They hate it with a fucking passion. They know I get naked on stage and that makes them hate it even more and they wish I’d stop.

What do you spend the most time doing online?
Whacking off, checking my Facebook, more whacking off, checking my email, talking to Jay from Breakdancing Ronald Reagan on AIM instant messenger.

Metallica. Your thoughts?
I was watching the Metallica movie called Some Kind Of Monster, and I had to keep rewinding and watching the same scene over and over where Lars Ulrich isn’t even capable of doing a simple 4/4 time signature drum beat that I’ve seen 13 year olds do better than him. He is the worst drummer and I think Metallica is the worst band in the history of metal, possibly in the history of music. Hands down, the biggest faggots I’ve ever seen in my life. People often say “Well, the old stuff was good.” Wrong, it wasn’t. It was never not the gayest band.

I myself am a fan of the first few Metallica albums, but I agree with most of what you saying. However, is it really fair to people who are gay to be compared to Metallica?
Good point! I have a lot of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered friends and I rather hang out with them any day over any of the fags in Metallica.

What if we all started saying “that’s so Metallica” as a derogatory comparison? Would you use it?
Holy shit, that’s genius! I AM going to start using that!!

Why should people listen to your band?
Because if they don’t that would be so fucking Metallica.